2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
