I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
