I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
