She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
