What did we do last night that was yellow?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
