I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
