The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
