I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
