i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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