Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
