Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
