look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
