and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
