I'm so fucking centered right now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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