Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
