Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
