Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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