i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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