Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
