are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
