im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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