I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
