haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
