so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
