I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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