i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
