What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
