Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
