I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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