You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
