pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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