I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
