I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
