like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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