tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
