I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
