Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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