dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
