i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
