well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
