Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
