its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Actions speak louder than pants.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
