My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
