There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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