why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
