There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
