Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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