Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
