Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
