dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
