We're facebook friends in real life
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
