It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
