He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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