even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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