OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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