Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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