I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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