This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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