so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
