dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
