I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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