at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
