So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
