we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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