True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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