You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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