just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
