Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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