who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
